October 28, 2011

Power and Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. It is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Actually who are you not to be. You are a child of the universe, your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of the universe that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us; it's in everyone. 
When we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others"
Nelson Mandela quoting Marianne Williamson 

October 23, 2011

Marmalade and Roots

More from Sept. And so to the marmalade fountain, but we couldn't find it so had to make do with buying various delectations from the shop instead. Hog heaven? More like marmalade and jam heaven. Stephen looked like a kid in a sweet shop and I fell in love a bit more.

We breakfasted on toast and Tawny Marmalade and tea, visited the museum and spent probably more than we intended in the shop. Still, we had a lovely time and Stephen got to see the place that supplies his favourite breakfast spread. If we'd found the office and reception I think he would have thanked them for past letters he's exchanged and just for being there.

A walk in the woods gave me more reason to fall in love. I seem to be continually falling for this man. The seasons and rhythms of nature seem to run right through him. A connection I mislaid long ago is becoming stronger because of him. Understanding is an understatement with him; I feel he knows me and I know him.

The continuum of lust, love and intimacy grows stronger and we weave a richer tapestry because of it. We are painting a picture together, writing a story together, singing a song together. My roots grow stronger and go deeper than ever. Home is in him and with him. Home has become a person rather than a place.

He once said, "The more I lose myself in you the more I find myself." The same applies to me Puck. It is through you that I am finding myself. It takes time but we've got loads of that ahead of us.

October 13, 2011

Ancient 'Paint Factory' Unearthed

"Twenty or 30 years ago, there was a view that Europe was really the place where all the big action was taking place - wonderful painted caves 30,000-35,000 years ago, and people decorating their bodies.

We now know that this behaviour goes back far further in Africa; it goes back to 100,000 years, perhaps even more than 100,000 years.

People were starting to express social identity in completely new ways. And there is a view that this behaviour is linked with complex language. So, it may indicate these people were communicating in a fully modern way."

Jonathan Amos
Science correspondent, BBC News

October 12, 2011

I'll Be Your Four-Leaf Clover

I've just been listening to 'Crystal Night' from Attacco Decente, a not-well-enough-known group from Brighton who played between 1984 - 1996. Geoff Smith has a disturbing raw power in his voice that has the ability to tear apart your emotions without even knowing what the words are. When you listen to the words they cut even deeper. One of the tracks, 'Turn The Magic On' has me in tears every time I hear it.
"..... 'Cos now is forever
Now is all there is
So let me kiss you all over
I'll be your 4 leaf clover
Flesh and blood
For fields to feed on
I think its time
To turn the magic on
I think its time
Before our chance has gone
And we return to
The soil where we came from
So let me lick you all over
I'll be your 4 leaf clover
You can pick me
You can press me"
Wikipedia has this to say about the title of the album and the title track:
"Kristallnacht, or the Night of Broken Glass, also known as Reichskristallnacht, Pogromnacht, and Novemberpogrome, was a pogrom or series of attacks against Jews throughout Nazi Germany and parts of Austria on November 9–10, 1938.
Jewish homes were ransacked, as were shops, towns and villages, as SA stormtroopers and civilians destroyed buildings with sledgehammers, leaving the streets covered in pieces of smashed windows—the origin of the name "Night of Broken Glass." Ninety-one Jews were killed, and 30,000 Jewish men—a quarter of all Jewish men in Germany—were taken to concentration camps, where they were tortured for months, with over 1,000 of them dying. Around 1,668 synagogues were ransacked, and 267 set on fire. In Vienna alone 95 synagogues or houses of prayer were destroyed."

Clouds Over Tenerife

This is a beautiful piece of time-lapse photography of clouds over Tenerife. There is a similarity in behaviours of things on land, sea and in the air and it is quite evident in places in this clip.

October 07, 2011


"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life."
Steve Jobs

October 01, 2011

Fear and Understanding

At the risk of repeating myself, I write again about my love for a man I never expected to meet. A man I fell in love with on day one. A man I wanted to be with from day one. And what an amazingly sexy man he is.
We can talk about anything under the sun and discuss topics previously felt taboo with other people. I feel like I’ve met the part of me I longed for from childhood and throughout my adult life, the part that felt unattainable and a deep fantasy. He is my soulmate and life partner, my lover and boyfriend, my best friend and companion.
There is no place where I may go and not there see his face, not know I am his sower and his sown. We feel as one in our similarities and separate in our individuality. I love him deeply and without exception. I’d gladly drown in his eyes and in his soul. I find words I didn’t know I had to describe him and my feelings for him, and I see possibilities in life I didn’t know existed. I look forward to spending life with him.
The intenseness of my writing is matched only by the intenseness of my feelings for him. I feel as though everything else this blog is about is on hold for the time being, even though my righting is still deeply exploratory. I want to understand my feelings and the intenseness of them and to understand the deep, primal lust for life and Stephen that I now feel. It is as though something surges up in me and threatens to overflow and I don't know whether to allow it to. Something deep within me tells me I should let it overflow and erupt; that it will not harm me. It is something known and unknown to me and I am at once afraid and not afraid.
Life seems full of paradoxical situations and ideas lately and I love that duality of things. I feel safer in exploring them than ever and take comfort in being able to share them with someone who enables me to go deeper in my understanding than ever. He is my comfort and my safety net and he understands me to a point that no-one else has ever reached. I feel invaded and possessed by an aspect of me that left me long ago. He is my completion and my teacher and my pupil.
If allowing him to understand himself will allow me to understand him more richly then so be it. My desire is to allow him to become the person he can truly be more fully than ever. This I am not afraid of. Strange that there is some fear of what I allow myself to experience and understand. I feel that I can contain the strength and depth of him more than I can contain my own. Is it because it comes from within me? Perhaps what is known is more to be feared than what is not. This contradicts the saying that 'the only thing to fear is fear itself '.
Is it my own fear that is known to me?